you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
