you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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