Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
