Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
