fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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