Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
