a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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