Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
