Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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