Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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