Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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