you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
