I have demons in me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
