fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
