Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need a beard to bite.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize