So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
