It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
