please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
