My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
