He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
