I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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