I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
