WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
