I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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