What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
