I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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