I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize