Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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