I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
