my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
