You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
