i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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