i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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