Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
