sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
