But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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