How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
