u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I need to stop coming to work sober
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think my moral compass just broke
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
