This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
NoShamevember. You game?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
