My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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