Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
