Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
