Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
