I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
