Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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