He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
