I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
