So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
