Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
