I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
