wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
