I cannot find my penis.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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