i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
