my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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